Do you ever tell God what to do? Do ever tell God to tell other people in your life how they should act? Well, I do it all the time. You're probably thinking right now, that's pretty arrogant. And you are certainly right, I am perhaps one of the most arrogant people I know. But if you are honest with yourself, you would have to say that you are also probably just as arrogant, that's the nature of humans.
Often in my life I try to manipulate God to get what I want. I kick and whine when I don't get my way. I command that the almighty should follow my plans, my desires, my ways. This past year, I have had to learn the hard way that no matter how hard I kick and scream, God thankfully does not let me have my way. And instead of humbly capitulating to not only a sovereign, but loving God, I got angry. I, an evil human being, wicked to core, was angry with an almighty , in control, and gracious God to his children.
How often have I been angry, bitter, or even hated God at times? Is it right? No, of course not, but is it honest? Yes. And I am done pretending that I always love God perfectly, because this past year I have definitely acted grudgingly toward God. When the Spirit started to reveal to my heart how evil I am for resenting a good God who has only given me grace, I felt horrible. I doubted God's goodness. A Christian is not supposed to be mad, bitter at God. What would other Christians think of me? How dare she be angry with God? Had God's love for me changed when my love for him fluctuated like Iowa weather? For a while I felt so ashamed, I shouldn't be angry with God. But lets face it I was! And rather than try to save face and pretend that I am a perfectly loving creature, I admit...I AM NOT! !
The truth is God knew all along how I felt towards him. May I always run to Him and be honest because He already knows. And the more blessed truth is that God loved me through it all. Thank the Lord our God, who doesn't do what He is told and who loves me in my darkest times. God may I be a humble worshiper of you!
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