To Love Again

Sometimes a certain portion of scripture weighs on my heart for hours, days, or even weeks. Recently I have been challenged, sometimes even haunted by the words of Revelation 2:

To the angel of the church in Ephesus write: These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands: I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked men, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.

The Lord has continually been bringing this scripture to my mind and I have been challenged to find that my love for him is often lacking, much like the church in Ephesus. However, the passage contains a striking fact- the Ephesian believers were great at doing things for the Lord. They were great at ministry! He said to them, "I know your deeds." They did many things for the Lord. And they worked hard to do them, it was not easy labor. I'm sure there were many sacrifices.

They were also praised for commitment to truth. They knew all the right answers, they had their doctrine figured out. Furthermore, they were not afraid of man! They confronted and tested those false apostles in their midst! They loved God's truth more than making man feel comfortable. Once again, they were great at ministry because of their commitment to the truth.

And perhaps what I consider to be their greatest praise- they even suffered for the Lord, enduring many hardships for His name. Maybe this even included martyrdom, beatings, or financial despair. Although we do not know what kind of hardships the believers endured, they must have been of great significance to be worthy of praise. However, they did not falter, but they stayed true to the end. They did not deny the Lord or become angry, but firmly stood their ground and persevered. They did not even become weary or discouraged in even this!

Yet for all their praise, the Lord gives them a harsh rebuke, "You have forsaken your first love." As I consider this passage, I can not help but think how deserving I am of the same rebuke or maybe even a harsher one. I want to say, "Wait Lord, the church of Ephesus did many wonderful things for you. Isn't that enough?" But the Lord offers no exceptions to the rule and I know that the very thing the church of Ephesus is guilty of, I am too. I have often loved ministry for the Lord more than the Lord himself. I have often replaced doing things for Him over being with Him and learning to love Him. Just like the Ephesian believers I am quick to sign up for numerous ministry projects, in fact too many. I often find myself overwhelmed and stretched too thin from "doing ministry." Ultimately, this leaves me with little time or energy left for the Lord himself because the best of my effort has gone to doing things for him instead of to Him alone. Also like the Ephesians, I have valiantly defended truth and become zealously angry over false teachings. But when was the last time I was wholly zealous for the Lord Almighty alone!?

I feel as though I am not alone in this paradox. Do you give more time to ministry for the Lord than you do to your personal relationship for the Lord? Are you constantly able to meet the needs of ministry demands (including family time, preparing meals for Bible study, cleaning your house so you can be hospitable to others, etc.), but you can never seem to find the time to sit down for 30 minutes every day and pray? Do you know many truths about the Bible? You can ardently defend them, eloquently share them with others, look down on those who don't know them, and yet you feel little to no passion or joy towards Him in your daily walk? And I haven't really suffered many things worthy of being called a hardship, so I won't even approach that topic.

Unfortunately, I am on the wrong side of the fence on many of the above questions. If I am honest with myself I really love ministry. Without my awareness, this love often sneaks in and replaces my love for the Lord. I want to honestly look at scripture and try to align my life with it. The last question I have wrestled with is this:

If the Lord would choose to never use me again for anything (to open up my home, to lead a bible study, to bring someone to the Lord, to disciple, to share truth and confront lies, to be know for my words of encouragement or wisdom to other believers, etc) would it be enough for me simply to know that I am loved and in return to passionatly, unashamedly love the Lord above all else?

Pray that my love for the Lord would return to the days when I first knew Him. May we all remember that we are dust, repent from loving idols (including doing things for the Lord) more than the Lord Almighty.

The "S" Word

There's a word that is dirty and perhaps even despised in this world. It is looked down upon in a world of education and modernity. It is disgusting to cultured and civilized individuals.

That word is "servant". There I said it! Or here's an even more repugnant word, "slave".

The Bible records that a dispute arose among the disciples as to whom was the greatest. Then, "Calling them to Himself, Jesus said to them, "You know that those who are recognized as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them; and their great men exercise authority over them.
"But it is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant;
and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be slave of all.
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."

The Holy Spirit reminded me of the above passage this week as I was implicitly challenged to live like a servant because of certain circumstances. However, I usually want to be recognized as the greatest in some realm of life. I sometimes struggle to want to be the most knowledgeable, the best dressed, the most popular, or the best cook. I want to be the one to share the best piece of wisdom in Bible Study. I want to be the one to hog all the time of the new believer so I can get the credit for her growth in Christ. I want to be the one praised as having the best servant's heart, while not taking any of the real servant hardships upon my shoulders. Perhaps we are not as obvious as the disciples in our desires to be great. Unlike the disciples, we might not openly argue about who is the greatest, but we still dream and scheme in our heads to plan crafty ways of becoming great while still appearing to be humble on the outside. But instead to be really "great" I am to be a servant and even a slave to all (not just to the handful of people I call my good friends). Jesus himself was our example. He didn't tell us to be servants and then lord it over us. Instead he first was a servant and then told us to follow after him.

So what does being a servant or slave look like? Honestly, I'm still working it out in my life. I think it could possibly include being a person of no reputation: to do the things that are consider too low by others. Being a servant is to do the things that no one else wants to because those duties will always go unnoticed and unappreciated by people. Maybe this includes picking up after messy people, cleaning toilets, or ministering to the elderly. This would mean giving of yourself to get nothing in return. It also means to befriend those whom no one else will befriend; the socially awkward person, the smelly person, or the overly obnoxious person. A servant might gladly listen to these people for hours and never expect the favor to be returned. In addition, a servant might engage in spiritual activities, such as leading a Bible study, praying for others, or disciplining someone, simply because they love God and not because they want man's praise on Sunday. Most days I stink at being a servant, but I'm still learning.

Most importantly though, at the end of the day when the servant has continually submitted and sacrificed himself for the good of the body and worship of the Lord, one thing is true- they have only done their duty.



"So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty." -Luke 17:10

To Grandmother's House We Go

So my grandma is seriously a hoot! I have way too many funny stories about her. She is definitely one of a kind! This weekend Tommy and I are planning on visiting her for some good old grandma time! She's 85 and still living on her own! Since we are visiting my grandmother this weekend, I thought it would only be appropriate to share a good grandma story. Enjoy!

While in college I received a game called Wise and Otherwise. This game consists of ancient sayings from all over the world. Each round a different player designated as the "reader" reads the first half of a saying. Then everyone else makes up the second half of the saying and as you might have guessed hilariousness ensues! The reader of the saying reads all the made up endings and the actual ending of the saying. Then all the other participants have to guess, which one is the real ending. Well, one summer evening I was playing with my family, grandma, and my good friend Valerie. The saying started, "He who is held by the throat..." Everyone jotted down their made up endings and turned them in to the reader. However, we didn't' get very far in that round because one the first sayings to be read went like this, "He who is held by the throat...the sucka' will die." No one could control their laughter. Instantly we all knew who had been the author of that far fetched statement. Ancient sayings aren't really compatible with the word "sucka". And to top it off, it was grandmother that used the word "sucka." To make matters worse, my grandmother couldn't understand why it was so funny. She kept repeating, "But the sucker really would die!" Now this has become a famous quote in our family..."The Sucka' Will Die!"

Elevator Etiquette

Everyday, unless I am ambitious and decide to hike up the stairs, I take an elevator up to the floor where I work. And everyday pretty much the same scenario plays out. The elevator is packed when everybody files in on the first floor. The crowd in the elevator slowly dwindles as the people get off on the ascending floors. Then begins the elevator shuffle. As people leave the elevator, the passengers remaining work to rearrange themselves as to be at the farthest equidistant position from all other people in the elevator. For example, if there were four people left they would probably all be standing in one of the four corners. I like to quietly observe how often this shuffle happens and it is almost constant. This morning all the other passengers had emptied except myself and a gentleman. This gentleman had been behind me for the whole elevator ride up to this point, but as everyone else left he moved to the opposite wall. But the kicker is that he got off at the next floor. So I guess it was just too unbearable for him to ride that close to me for one more second. Boy that would have been really awkward! So my question is, "Why do we as Americans feel the need to always have space?" I mean really, would it be all that awkward to ride a foot or two away from another human being for one elevator floor or do we just make it more awkward than it actually is? Maybe its just that living overseas for a while has given me a different perspective. I've rode buses overseas where it was so crowded that I wasn't sure if the leg I scratched was really mine! You really don't have personal space, the buses were so crowded at times that the doors would barely shut. Seriously! And even when the buses emptied out, there was no silly dancing around to find a spot farther away from everyone else. I'm certainly not saying that personal space is a bad thing, but sometimes I think we can be a little extreme about it. I think when I get on the elevator next time and there is only a person or two, I will stand as close to them as possible. (Well, maybe not. I'd probably be sued for harassment or something, but it would be pretty funny! )

I warned him...

Before we were married I warned my husband that sometimes when I am woken from my sleep...I'm not a very friendly person. If I am tired before actually being asleep I'm just really goofy, but if I've actually been asleep...watch out! Overall, through our first year we've rarely confronted many of these instances. However, Wednesday morning at breakfast Tommy informed me that I was quite crabby the night before. Initially I did not remember anything from the night before, but once Tommy started to recap it came back to me. Sometime during the night Tommy's toe touched the bottom of my foot. This caused me to wake up and strongly reprimand him for scratching me when I was trying to sleep. Later that night I apparently screamed in my sleep waking Tommy again. Being a concerned and startled husband, Tommy asked if I was okay. Wanting to go back to sleep, I just told him to leave me alone. But Tommy persisted to make sure I was okay. I angrily replied, "never mind." However this did not suffice him. Seeing that I wasn't easily going to get rid of him I mumbled something about him not catching the frogy worm thing for me in my dream. Although technically I had been the one to wake him up twice , I finished by informing him to stop being so rude and waking me up.

We both laughed at my crankiness the next morning. Fortunate for me, I have a very understanding husband. But in my defense I told Tommy, "You know, I did warn you!"

Four Things

I was tagged by Angela-

Four Things...

Four jobs I've had:
1. Currently a Client Service Assistant in Retirement Services- Don't ask, its not that interesting
2. Substitute teacher (definitely the most stressful)
3. An Elementary and History Tutor (definitely the most fun!)
4. A Janitor, believe it or not!?

Four movies I've seen more than once:
*I really have to like a movie to watch it more than once*
1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
2. It's a Wonderful Life
3. What about Bob?
4. Pride and Prejudice (the new version)

Four TV shows I watch:
* I don't currently watch four TV shows, but these are some that I really enjoyed watching at various times in the past and present*
1. The Amazing Race
2. Gilmore Girls
3. The Cosby Show
4. And I have to agree with Angela- I love HGTV, but we don't have it either

Four places I've been:
1. Turkey (Including Ephesus)
2. Jamaica
3. Mexico
4. New York City

Four people who email me regularly:
1. Patti
2. People at work- how lame is that (but in my defense not all of it is business)!
3. Kim
4. Family

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Cheeze-its (definitely love these- I can eat a whole box by myself in a day!)
2. Feta Cheese on almost anything
3. Guacamole
4. Dark Chocolate

Four things I'm looking forward to in the next year:
1. Next summer (I really dislike winter and its already getting a little chilly for me)
2. Getting back into serving at my church
3. Getting into road biking more and hopefully even entering a race
4. Cooking, I've found I really enjoy it! I love to try new things! I don't really repeat recipes. And I would love to take a cooking class just for fun!

Now I'm tagging Emily!

I have to admit...sometimes I'm a Pharisees

A. W. Tozer writes in his book The Root of Righteousness-

"The test by which all conduct must finally be judged is motive.

As water cannot rise higher than its source, so the moral quality in an act can never be higher than the motive that inspires it. For this reason, no act that arises from an evil motive can be good, even though some good may appear to come out of it. For this reason no act that arises from an evil motive can be good, even though some good may appear to come out of it. Every deed done out of anger or spite, for instance, will be found at last to have been done for the enemy and against the Kingdom of God!

Unfortunately, the nature of religious activity is such that much of it can be carried on for reasons that are not goo, such as anger, jealousy, ambition, vanity and avarice. All such activity is essentially evil, and will be counted as such at the judgement.

In this matter of motive, as in so many other things, the Pharisees afford us clear examples.
They remain the world's most dismal religious failures, not because of doctrinal error nor because they were careless or lukewarm, nor because they were outwardly persons of dissolute life.
Their whole trouble lay in the quality of their religious motives. They prayed, but they prayed to be heard of men, and thus their motives ruined their prayers and rendered them not only useless, but actually evil. They gave generously to the service of the temple, but they sometimes did it to escape their duty toward their parents, and this was an evil. They judged sin and stood against it when found in others, but this they did from self-righteousness and hardness of heart.

So with almost everything they did. Their activities had about them an outward appearance of holiness, and those same activities, if carried on out of pure motives, would have been good and praiseworthy. The whole weakness of the pharisees lay in the quality of their motives.

That this is not a small matter may be gathered from the fact that those orthodox and proper religionists went on in their blindness, until at last they crucified the Lord of glory, with no inkling of the gravity of their crime!"

Sometimes the blackness of my own heart propels me far from any pure motive and into only self-glorification and pride. Thus, my nature as a Pharisee comes to life again. Of course God know what we are made of and how the flesh desperately fights against the spiritual. But today if you read this post, please examine your motives. God knows your heart do you?

Is it possible??

I know this is going to sound a little ridiculous and crazy, but I think that I pulled a muscle in my big toe. I'm not sure how in the world it happened. All I know is the top of my big toe hurts every time I move my foot to walk. Weird.

Oh for the love of gardening!

I've found my new favorite hobby...Gardening! I love it! Naively, I always thought that gardening was just some thing old people did in order to pass the time, similar to making dollies, crossword puzzles, and the like. However, like most things in life I was once again proven wrong. But please shhhhh! Don't tell all the hip kids I like to spend my weekends talking to my plants!





(Disclaimer: If you've never gardened before you will probably think I am a little crazy for the rest of this blog)





Gardening has quickly become one of my favorite things to do once home from work. I'm very attached to my garden. I even have names for some of my plants! My largest tomato plant is affectionately known as Horatio. I'm so protective of my garden that I rarely even let Tommy water it. I told him it's because nobody can take care of "my babies" like I can. Plus, I don't want to blame him if something horrible happens to the plants. With good reason, Tommy is now afraid of how I will act when we have children!


I love many things about gardening. I love eating my own organically grown produce. The produce is fresh and chemical free! Also, I find gardening to be a very relaxing hobby. In addition, I get to be outside in the sun, which if you know me at all is one of my favorite things ever! There are many more elements about gardening that I enjoy, but perhaps the most enjoyable aspects is how it enlightens me spiritually. Now don't worry, I'm not getting all New Age! Seriously! By cultivating and managing my own plants, I have come to more fully appreciate the many parallels and allegories about gardening that are in the Bible. I somehow feel that I understand God's role more as a gardener. How intensely He cares for each plant(person) and longs to see it grow. He waters each one precisely. He even grieves when their growth is stunted or damaged. And He nurses them back to health. It is such a beautiful picture of how our lives can spring from the tiniest particle into a fruitful plant with God. And God desires to help us continue to grow by tenderly caring for us and supplying us with the right nutrients. Sometimes it is even in our best interest if we are pruned.

I could go on and on about the beauty of gardening, but please try it for yourself and let God remind you of how he makes all things grow. Even the smallest speck can become a fruitful plant, whom He personally cares for and nurtures.

Internet as God

Since January, when Tommy and I moved into our new home, we have been without Internet. How do we survive living such an uncivilized lifestyle you ask? Well, Panera has become our new best friend! I love Internet shopping! Unlike most girls I really don't enjoy shopping. Malls have this strange effect on me. I tend to get sleepy, hungry, or cranky, and sometimes all three at once. All that to say, I am not the best of company for a shopping excursion. But I love to browse the Internet for deals. I always seem to find way better deals on books, clothing, music, etc. And all from the comfort of home! In addition, I love to use the Internet to answer questions that pop into my head through out the day. Like, "What can I do about my tomato plant that suddenly started wilting?" or "How can I remove a stubborn grease stain from my comfy summer shorts?" Furthermore, I love using the Internet as a study resource for my personal devotions. Tommy and I also use the Internet to do our banking. All this to say, I really miss having the Internet.

Our new neighbors somehow all have Internet and from the provider we used to have at our old house. We'll call the provider Owest. We've spent numerous hours on the phone trying to get service at our new address. However, we've been told the service is not available in our area at this time. We've even had some tips from people who have been given the same line by this company, however, its all been to no avail. This past month I really started to miss Internet. It's hard because our small group, church, etc send out updates via email, so I always feel out of the loop. And every time I want to research some question, I think about looking it up quick through the Internet and then remember, "Oh yeah, we don't have it."

Before I know it modern conveniences, can become my God. I really dislike not having the Internet. But can I live without it? Of course, but I don't want to! It's probably been good for me actually: not spending hours surfing for random information, checking my email, or keeping up with my hundreds of best friends on Facebook. I guess its humbling thinking about how easy it is for me to spend time on the Internet and sometimes I barely squeeze out my time with God. It makes me also consider other areas of my life. For instance, I feel so unprepared if I leave the house without my cell phone. How many times do I leave equipped with everything God desires of me?

Will we ever get the Internet again? I hope so, but I definitely don't want it to be something I can't live with out!

Gospel for Asia

Tommy and I had the privilege of being in Texas for a week earlier this month. We attended a missions conference put on by Gospel for Asia (GFA). This organization focuses on sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with some of the most unreached people groups in Asia, especially India.

I love this organization for several reasons. First, 100% of all funds that are donated to GFA go directly to the field, nothing is taken out for administration purposes. In addition, GFA seems to really live out the word of God. The organization is not flashy; they don't have the edgiest promotional films, the leaders dress modestly, and the selection of GFA merchandise they do offer is available to anyone (they only suggest reasonable donations- a very different approach than Christian bookstores, who seem to horde the good news by their pricey purchases). Through these and many other practices, you can tell that everything they do is about pursuing the Lord and making his name known as opposed to making their name known. Finally, I thoroughly enjoyed the humble simplicity demonstrated at the conference. Tommy and I didn't come away from the conference with any huge new spiritual revelations or knowing more Greek words. Instead, we came away refreshed by an organization and its people that humbly serve the Lord. The messages were simple, yet refreshingly authentic. The call to action was humble and not guilt-laden. The work was God focused not us-centered (what we can do), for God works more in spite of us than through us.

GFA has two main programs you can help sponsor. First you can sponsor a native missionary in Asia. These men and women already know the language and are willing to live and work in the poor conditions of most of Asia. They travel and live in some very harsh environments both spiritually and physically. Second, you can sponsor a Dalit child. The Dalits are the untouchables of India. They are not even part of the caste system as they are considered sub-human. They perform the most menial jobs and live in extreme poverty. They are also subject to all sorts of abuse including rape and murder simply because of their status (or lack thereof) in society. When you sponsor a child you will provide them with clothing, food, an education, medical care and most importantly the message of Christ. With an estimated 300 million Dalits currently, there are 160 million child laborers (starting at age 4) and 90 million hungry children every day. Somewhere around 95% or more (I apologize I couldn't find the study that was done on this) of all Christian money marked for missions is going to people groups who are already reached (Asia contains many of the unreached people groups in the world). This fact really challenged me to think how I give of money that the Lord has blessed me with. We are our brother's keeper even if they are half way around the world!

I have added some links on my page so that you can explore GFA's site for yourself. Enjoy!

Why I eat food off the floor

I had the opportunity to hang out with two very smart friends this past Friday night. I am always gaining insight from these two ladies. We talked about the overuse of handsanitizer and antibiotics. At one point my friend Crystal said, "That's why I'm a proponent of eating food I drop on the floor." I thought that her declaration did a great job of capturing the conversation.

We talked about the overuse of antibiotics for animals, which in turn we humans readily consume these animals. This eventually leads to resistant bacteria. This is also true for humans. If you are like me, the first thing the doctor prescribes when you are sick is an antibiotic. Also, although it might take a while to occur, using hand sanitizer frequently can eventually lead to stronger resistant bacteria. All these examples work to selectively breed even more harmful and dangerously strong bacteria. So maybe the next time you drop some food on the floor and are frightened by the aspect of germs, you should think twice about just throwing it in the trash. Perhaps our bodies could use a good dose of healthy bacteria.

Below are some links on the topics discussed in this post:

http://www.ucsusa.org/food_and_environment/antibiotics_and_food/

http://www.keepantibioticsworking.com/pages/basics/overuse.cfm

http://www.drgreene.com/21_646.html

Religion versus Redemption and the story of Ruth

I have a new favorite speaker. His name is Mark Driscoll and he leads Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA . I just recently finished his series on Ruth. Amazing!! I can't tell you how many times I found myself convicted and just wanting to fall on the floor and repent in front of God. I don't want to give away everything, but seriously it is amazing. You can listen to it yourself if you go to www.marshillchurch.org, click on more video content, and then scroll down to find the series on Ruth.

He ends the whole series showing how religion and redemption oppose each other. I was totally convicted to find how easily I fall into religion. I feel guilty when I don't obey God or when I skip a day reading my bible. I look down on others for their sins, when I myself have just done the very same thing. Mark would say to me that I am the worst type of sinner, I am religious. Religion only leads to self-righteousness and pride or guilt and depression (which is also prideful). Religion replaces the beauty of grace! In fact, it leaves no room at all for grace or redemption. Somehow I think that my religion will make me less offensive to God, but the truth is that I am just being an unrepentant sinner. Religion is focused on what we do or don't do, while Redemption is only focused on what Jesus has done. Martin Luther said that religion is the default mode of the human heart and we have to constantly fight against it.

By now if you're reading my blog, I'm sure you're think, "Wow, this girl is pretty messed up." And the truth is, I am! So keep praying for me, that God would continue to work on a very stubborn and prideful heart like mine! That I would have joy in him alone, that he is my redemption and that I would have no faith in religion.

He doesn't do what He is told

Do you ever tell God what to do? Do ever tell God to tell other people in your life how they should act? Well, I do it all the time. You're probably thinking right now, that's pretty arrogant. And you are certainly right, I am perhaps one of the most arrogant people I know. But if you are honest with yourself, you would have to say that you are also probably just as arrogant, that's the nature of humans.

Often in my life I try to manipulate God to get what I want. I kick and whine when I don't get my way. I command that the almighty should follow my plans, my desires, my ways. This past year, I have had to learn the hard way that no matter how hard I kick and scream, God thankfully does not let me have my way. And instead of humbly capitulating to not only a sovereign, but loving God, I got angry. I, an evil human being, wicked to core, was angry with an almighty , in control, and gracious God to his children.

How often have I been angry, bitter, or even hated God at times? Is it right? No, of course not, but is it honest? Yes. And I am done pretending that I always love God perfectly, because this past year I have definitely acted grudgingly toward God. When the Spirit started to reveal to my heart how evil I am for resenting a good God who has only given me grace, I felt horrible. I doubted God's goodness. A Christian is not supposed to be mad, bitter at God. What would other Christians think of me? How dare she be angry with God? Had God's love for me changed when my love for him fluctuated like Iowa weather? For a while I felt so ashamed, I shouldn't be angry with God. But lets face it I was! And rather than try to save face and pretend that I am a perfectly loving creature, I admit...I AM NOT! !

The truth is God knew all along how I felt towards him. May I always run to Him and be honest because He already knows. And the more blessed truth is that God loved me through it all. Thank the Lord our God, who doesn't do what He is told and who loves me in my darkest times. God may I be a humble worshiper of you!

Fun Facts

So I'm pretty cheesy and love stuff like this. Emily tagged me to complete the following sentences:


I am...still considered a newlywed (supposedly you are a newlywed for 2 years).

I want…a road bike.

I wish…I could speed read.

I hate…Satan's lies.

I miss…college, it's freedom and less responsibility.

I fear…not living passionately enough for God.

I feel…tired right now.

I hear…people chattering and typing at work.

I smell…my chicken, spinach, artichoke calzone.

I crave…lots of fun and goofiness, but also a deep authenticity in friendships.

I search…for good deals on the Internet, especially books (I love to read).

I wonder…why people like Mushrooms, yuck!

I regret…my disobedience to God.

I love…summer time.

I ache…after sitting all day, I hate being stuck at a desk job.

I care…about what I eat.

I always…eat breakfast first after I wake up.

I am not…very humble, but I wish I was.

I believe…I can fly(Just kidding). Ummm really I believe that I pretty much stink.

I dance…like Bill Cosby to jazz music.

I sing...when I am joyful.

I cry…in spurts, usually when God is working on my heart.

I don’t always…listen to my cellphone voicemail, I usually just call people back.

I fight...with the two people I love the most: God and Tommy, man I'm ornery.

I write…in a journal.

I never…mow the lawn, I'm allergic.

I listen…to Mark Driscoll, I like him, he makes me laugh a lot.

I need...a water bottle with me at all times.

I am happy…when I at rest in God's goodness.

Now I'm tagging Angela.

What is courage?

I've been thinking a lot about courage lately. What is courage? How is it displayed? Do I demonstrate courage? While these thoughts and questions of courage have been on my mind lately, I was attracted to a sermon the other day on courage. There were many great points in the sermon, but one quote really captured my interest. The preacher read a very insightful quote from C.S. Lewis, "Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point." How true! It takes courage to react with patience and gentleness towards those who have been hurtful. Will they still be hurtful, even in the face of patience and love? It takes courage to demonstrate integrity when it would be easier to tell a lie. It takes courage to replace our trust in financial security with a trust in God's provision. Courage is the point when we choose to put into action all the other virtues.

Home

This past January my husband and I moved into our new home in Ankeny, which was quite the process. The inside of our house has really started to look and feel like a home. Since we built in the winter, we were unable to finish everything on the outside of the house. We are just now finishing up. Yesterday, they painted the outside of our house. All day at work I was so excited to drive home and see how wonderful it looked. I had spent many months dreaming and looking for the perfect house colors. I found those colors one afternoon as I was driving through one of my favorite neighborhoods in Des Moines, Sherman Hills.

Sherman Hills is filled with many beautiful homes. It is a few blocks behind my work building, so I frequently like to walk through the neighborhood during my lunch time. Some of the houses in the neighborhood date back to the 1870's. The houses are very colorful and full of character. I love meandering through the streets, while noticing all the fun details and hues of these homes. One of my personal favorites is the Victorian style house in the picture. It was built at the turn of the 20th century. It is a beautiful goldish brown color with a light yellow trim and black accents. I love the way this house looks, so I decided to try and match the paint colors for our new house. And I did find paint colors that matched exactly! Tommy gave the color names to the painter and we were ready to see our new home!

All day yesterday I was anticipating how wonderful our newly painted house would look. On the bus ride home I even tried to get a glimpse of our house from the interstate. I finally caught a little glimpse of our house! Or was it our house -it looked horribly like a bright orange blob! Maybe the sun just made it look funny that far away I told myself. Once at the bus stop I quickly got in my car and drove towards our home. As I was driving up our street, I couldn't believe my eyes. There was a giant orange pumpkin on top of our hill -and it was our house. What an eye sore! I didn't look anything like the beautiful house downtown! And the color was much more orange than the little swatch seemed to portray. The bright orange color of our house was only accentuated by the mute grays and dull cremes surrounding our house. Maybe in Sherman Hills this house would have fit in better with all the other lively colored homes, but in our neighborhood it looked, quite ridiculous! I wanted to cry! I had made a terrible mistake and would not have to live with it. What had I been thinking! Of course these colors would look ridiculous in our conservative neighborhood. I quickly went insides, maybe some of the neighbors still didn't know that this was my house. How embarrassing to live in a pumpkin!

My friend Patti came over later that night and calmed me down a bit. I decided to give the house another look in the morning, after I had a been able to sleep on it. When I got up in the morning, to my dismay, the house still looked as orangish brown as ever. I decided our house just didn't have the right style to pull these colors off. And maybe our house didn't look bad in general, but it really did look horribly out of place in our development. Thankfully we are working with a very generous painter, who is going to work with us on repainting the house for a reasonable price. Earlier today I was expressing my frustration with Tommy about how the house just didn't turn out how I had imagine. I was so disappointed. I had been on the look out for several weeks before I found my perfect house colors (I guess now you could call them not so perfect colors). Since finding them, I was looking forward to seeing how they would only accent our already lovely home. And priding myself on being an artist, I was thoroughly disappointed in myself. I didn't want to admit my largest painting faux pas to date. As I was telling him all this, Tommy, thankfully, reminded me, that our house isn't really our HOME. Amen to that because I messed up big time! I'm sure the home God has prepared for both of us is far more perfect and beautiful than anything I could ever come up with!